Friday, 24 June 2016

To snap or not to snap - when is it good wedding etiquette to take photos ?

Tommy Steele and Julia Foster in Half a Sixpence
‘Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture!
The song from the Sixties musical and later the film “Half a Sixpence” goes on to explain that there has always been a photographer to “record the ‘appy scene”. 

The story,  set in the Edwardian era, tells us that photography has, since the beginning of time, played a crucial part in marriage ceremonies. And there’s no doubt that, even in today’s world of phone cameras and selfie sticks, wedding photography is still big business.

It seems to me that brides and grooms fall into two distinct camps on the topic of allowing their guests to take their own pictures - especially during the ceremony itself.

A few weeks ago “my” bride, who had chosen to hold her ceremony outside by a lake  in the grounds of a Norfolk country home, made her feelings clear. She wanted especially to feel close to nature as well as her loving friends and family.

“When I walk across the grass, on the arm of my father on my wedding day, I want to see the lovely faces of everyone looking towards me, not the backs of all their phones!”

Her groom added the valid point that it was a matter of being in the moment - looking, seeing and enjoying the moment itself, as opposed to recording it on the phone for later viewing which would, inevitably, destroy the magic of the here and now.

Aaron and Natalie take a selfie
At the introduction of the ceremony, I worded their wishes in an inoffensive way and  the only pictures taken of the ceremony and hand fasting were by a discreet professional photographer.

Every wedding is different and should reflect the wishes and personalities of the bride and groom. 

I have chosen to write about this because I believe it is something that those who are getting married must consider. To allow everyone to take photos of the wedding ceremony or to leave it up to the professional photographer, should be added to the Decisions-to-Make-List. It can no longer be a matter of just waiting and seeing what happens on the day.

From the point of view of the guest, it is also good to know where the  photography boundaries lie.

A beautiful wedding I attended - as a guest not the celebrant - had the guidelines clearly displayed on a notice. 

Hair and make up with a selfie stick
We were requested to help Natalie and Aaron to capture their special day by taking as many pictures as we liked and then shown how to post them on the WedPics App. 

This proved remarkably easy and a fun way to share everybody’s wedding experience. Like the old disposable cameras, this method is also a great social ice-breaker, but with the added advantage of providing instant results.

Getting your guests to share their wedding photos in no way detracts from the quality work of the professional photographer - a scroll through the blurred out of focus efforts of us amateurs confirms this.

I am also of the opinion that family and friends taking pictures of the ceremony itself is poor wedding etiquette. It is a distraction not only for the bride and groom, but also for other guests who might be sitting behind and so forced to view the proceedings via the back of someone else’s phone screen.

The ceremony, with its vows, blessings and special elements, is the very heart of the marriage celebration. Each and every moment of it should be experienced by all who have been invited as witnesses and savoured as the true stuff from which ‘photographic’ memories are made. 

Before signing off, I have to add a personal note: A few years ago I had the pleasure of sitting next to Julia Foster (who famously played the role of Ann in Half a Sixpence) and her husband veterinary surgeon and writer Bruce Fogle (parents of Ben) at a wedding. And, in case you're wondering. no, sadly I don't have a photo to share. Instead,  I'll leave the last word to the Half a Sixpence cast ...

Arthur Kipps and his bride Ann
All lined up in a wedding group
'Ere we are for a photograph
We're all dressed up in a morning suit
All trying hard not to laugh
Since the early caveman in his fur
Took a trip to Gretna Green
There's always been a photographer
To record the 'appy scene.....

'Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke
Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke
Clap 'ands, stamp yer feet
Bangin' on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Stick it in your fam'ly album

Monday, 2 May 2016

New grooms help brides choose their dress | Wedding Celebrant

Men go for a fitted style ...
Something old, 
Something new, 
Something borrowed, 
Something blue.

There are many superstitions surrounding weddings from what to wear to the unlucky pitfalls to avoid.

Right up at the top of any bride’s priority list is surely to keep her dress a secret until the Big Reveal - the moment she arrives, usually accompanied by her father, for the ceremony itself. It is then - and only then - that the guests and her husband to be, see her looking gorgeous in her wedding dress for the first time.
...while brides prefer a relaxed look

It is always - no matter how many weddings  one has been to - an extremely emotional and unforgettable moment. I am a firm believer that all brides looks beautiful and radiant on their wedding day and it is an honour to share that special intimate moment when the groom sees them approaching for the first time.

It doesn’t matter if the bride and groom might have been living together as a couple for years - even if they have children - in my experience, most like to spend the night before their wedding apart. They will usually get dressed away from each other with the bride helped by her bridesmaids and the groom by his best man. All this adds to the wonderful surprise of the wedding dress Big Reveal marking the beginning of their marriage.

However, according to a headline in this Saturday’s Daily Mail - “Bad luck be damned! Now chaps help brides choose their dress” -  this custom is on the way out.
Carrie took Charles to help choose her dress

It would seem that increasing numbers of women are ditching this superstition and bringing their fiances - not their mothers or sisters - with them when they go to choose their gown.

According to owners of wedding dress boutiques, brides want to know that their other half loves their dress before the wedding. It is estimated that one in fifteen couples now shop for the wedding dress together with the groom having his say on the style. Perhaps, hardly surprisingly, most men favour fitted styles that show off the bust and bottom.

The frothy look of the 90's
It would seem that shopping for the dress together is part of a larger trend for abandoning tradition and opting for alternative - less formal - ceremonies. 

This theme is echoed by “my” Norfolk weddings this year. All the couples I am working with have emphasised how they want a relaxed  wedding and to make sure that their guests feel comfortable too.

That said, to the best of my knowledge, none of the grooms have seen the wedding dresses yet so I am looking forward to being in on the Big Reveal on the day.

Friday, 15 April 2016

Four Norfolk Weddings and a Funeral

“So, Mary, what are you currently working on?”, my friend asked. 
“Let me think… “one, two, three, four weddings; … oh … and a funeral”.

Up until the day before yesterday there had been a naming ceremony in my diary too - Unfortunately this had to be cancelled due to a problem at the venue - it was to have been held at a Rugby Club where - would you believe it? - inconsiderately, a rugby match had been planned.

My celebrant schedule might never work out with this exact same magic formula again,  so I thought I would share some thoughts on this special combination of “ Four Weddings and a Funeral”. 

Firstly I would like to say “thank you” to the four couples who have entrusted me to produce and deliver a bespoke ceremony for their special day. Each one, of course, will be completely different and will exactly reflect the style and personality of the bride and groom. 
Hugh Grant  (Charles) having doubts

Getting it right with Carrie (Andi MacDowell)
Three of the couples are London based, and have chosen to get married in Norfolk. This is not because they have any previous connections with my home county; but each has told me that they feel comfortable with their carefully selected venue and are excited about hosting the celebration here. 

I can vouch for the charm of each location. Norfolk is a beautiful part of the country and a great place to get married.

When we think back to 1994 and the film “Four Weddings and a Funeral”, it is the funeral ceremony which remains most clearly in our minds. Personally I can’t recall any of the details of the four wedding ceremonies - the readings, music or vows - but I will never forget John Hannah's (as Matthew) moving rendition of W.H Auden’s poem, "Funeral Blues" - He was my North, my South, my East and West....

As a celebrant, we should never underestimate the power of a carefully selected poem.
Stop All The Clocks

Personally, I am also one who appreciates a winning title. I leave you with the thought that, twenty years after the release of the film, its writer, Richard Curtis released a document from the US distributer listing six reasons why the title “Four Weddings and a Funeral” didn’t work.
The six reasons why the title didn't work

 Briefly they looked into the possibility of calling it “The Best Man” instead, but there was a Henry Fonda film from 1964 with the same name. Thank goodness it wasn't available. 
By the way, it is said that Curtis wrote the screenplay in order to explain to his mother why he had never married.(Although he has lived with his partner Emma Freud - they have four children together - for more than 25 years.)

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Celebrating life events - with a celebrant, of course | Family Celebrant

Sincere thanks to “Just Aylsham” and the “Just Regional” team for this article about me which appeared in the February issue of the magazine.

It is not so much about seeking publicity, but more spreading the 'Celebrant Awareness' message. 
Spreading the word at Barclays, Aylsham
A recent two-day display in my local branch of Barclays bank made me realise that most people have not much idea about what a celebrant actually does. Some people thought that my colourful collection of sand (for unity sand ceremonies) had something to do with perfumes; and the decorated broom raised many curious eyebrows. 

So, now more local people know that there is another way of celebrating all the major life events … there is perhaps the bigger question: whether North Norfolk is quite ready to embrace all the special elements that a celebrant can offer. 

I believe the answer is “yes”... so, watch this space for broom jumping and hand fasting news.

Monday, 29 February 2016

Leap Year Proposals | How to Pop the Question | Wedding Celebrant

Hurry Up Girls!  You’ve still got time ….

Today’s the day we get to bin all that submissive “re-active” stuff and get “pro-active”! It’s the day to make things happen by reaching out for all that February 29th has to offer. 

In other words, why wait around, for your man to finally pop the question. If you want to marry him, then you propose.

It would seem that we have the impatient, Irish St Bridget to thank for the tradition of Leap Year proposals. Understandably she was somewhat miffed about the length of time women were expected to wait for a man to ask for their hand in marriage. 

Apparently she had a chat about this with St Patrick and together they came up with the idea that the situation could be reversed on February 29th - every four years. In the rather sexist manner of the day, this became known as St Bridget’s Complaint.

The first documented case of a woman taking advantage of the situation was in 13th Century Scotland where a law was passed imposing a fine on any man who rejected a February 29th proposal. The most common penalty was that he would have to buy a pair of gloves for the lady in question. 

In some European countries February 29th became known as Bachelors’ Day and fines for rejecting a wedding proposal would be as high as buying the woman twelve pairs of gloves - one pair for each month of the year. The new gloves were also a handy way of hiding the shame of a ring-less finger. 
Gloves: the perfect way to hide a naked finger

You don’t have to go down on one knee or try to recreate the ‘flowers and music’ proposal setting of your own dreams. Instead,  I would suggest, attempt to get inside his male head. Obviously, if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you know him really well and it shouldn’t be too difficult to put together the sort of scenario that would absolutely bowl him over. It’s highly likely that favourite food is involved. After all it is said that the way to his heart is via his stomach.

However, chances are - this question should not be popped in a restaurant or other public place. Unless he is a publicity-hungry cast member of the Only Way is Essex, or some other reality TV series, chances are he would much prefer a private scenario which would also be considerably more romantic.

It would also be unwise to attempt to compete with his favourite football team or other activity which is all-absorbing. But, sharing a joint activity, like taking a walk together, cooking or maybe even on a ski slope, might be a good moment to bring up the subject of getting married. 

Or, if he’s sporty - and enjoys surprises - perhaps weave something novel in alongside his hobby … like jumping out of a bush on his usual jogging circuit and waving a sign saying “Will You Marry Me?” 

If he’s more likely to favour a subtle approach, you could even consider dropping hints by writing an article like this ... And don’t worry, if today just didn’t feel quite right, don’t panic girls. Tradition allows you the rest of the leap year in which to pop the question.

Sunday, 7 February 2016

Broom Jumping | and Hand Fasting | at the Bank | Family Celebrant

Corn broom in the process of being decorated
My bags are packed and I’m ready to go … actually, that is not quite true.
The things a Celebrant needs to take to an exhibition would never fit into any bag - normal or otherwise.

First there are the banners … when fully extended these two beauties measure 200 cm high by 80 cm wide. Happily these each come with a very clever back pole which contracts down to fit in the base and a handy carrying bag about the size of a rolled yoga mat.

Then there are the decorated corn brooms for broom jumping. I’ve been busy painting these white before the fun part of dressing them up begins. One is in a distinctive deep pink and dark green theme (to match a Save the Date card) - number two is still in my imagination but I’m thinking a bright blue might be rather eye-catching.
Broom painting

All the other bits and pieces - including my chest of ribbons for hand fasting, bottles of coloured sand, candles, glass smashing bags etc - will, I suppose fit into some sort of carrying bag alongside the leaflets and other paperwork.

So, with all this paraphernalia, I will be in Barclays Bank, Aylsham tomorrow (Monday 8th) and again on Friday (12th). Please note the pre-Valentine’s Day dates and don’t forget that this is a Leap Year with all that that means …

Chest of ribbons

In the unlikely event that any readers might be in Norfolk next week …. I’d love to welcome you to my display. 

Friday, 1 January 2016

Some New Year thoughts on Funerals and Living in the Moment | Funeral Celebrant

It is the first day of 2016 and I’m striking while the iron is hot … i.e. making the most of one of my New Year resolutions: to write REGULAR blog posts.

January 1st is a day of reflection.While we might be feeling slightly fragile after all the celebrations, it is a good time to take things gently …. to look back, as well as forward to the coming year. 

It is also a time that we remember those we have lost. For the recently bereaved, Christmas and the New Year would have been hurdles to get over - just one more memorable date on the calendar to be dreaded, faced and then just “got through” without a partner or loved one. Even the caring support of close family and friends can do little to assuage the gaping emptiness that the dear departed leave behind especially at this time of year.

I find myself thinking about, not just those I miss in my own life, but also the families I have come to know through my work as a funeral celebrant. The people I became close to during their darkest of days. Those who entrusted me with putting together a final tribute - a celebration of a loved one’s life.

It would be inappropriate to flippantly wish the recently bereaved a “happy” New Year. That said, it is highly likely that - alongside the sadness - there will also be joyous moments waiting just round the corner for us all. 

To put it simply, life is like that. We will have memories of loved ones that will make us smile, as well as those that bring tears to our eyes. I wish my readers - and especially “my” families (who know who they are) - many more of the former.

After several funeral ceremonies in rapid succession, I was warned by a family member, not to get “too involved”. She added the question: “Don’t you find it all rather depressing?”

I have thought long and hard about this and can honestly say that I will always get involved with the families I work with. I want to feel that I know them as well as the deceased loved one. Is this a matter of getting “too” involved? I don’t know. 

I have made a silent professional oath to myself to put together exceptional ceremonies - to write and deliver worthy tributes to the absolute best of my ability. For me, getting involved is the only way I can do this.

Is this work depressing? No, not at all. On the contrary, as a funeral celebrant, I find being able to help in my own unique way, to be uplifting and incredibly rewarding. It has also enabled me - if possible - to appreciate life even more than I did before.

So, alongside reflecting on the past and making plans for 2016, let’s not lose sight of enjoying the moment we are in right now … even if it is slightly overshadowed by a New Year’s day hangover ! 

That’s another of my New Year resolutions: no, not to lay off the cava - but to remember to live in - and enjoy - each and every moment.